Jan 312013
 

American IdolIt’s the end of the American Idol auditions tonight as hopefuls head to Oklahoma City in search of a plane ride to Hollywood.

Join me, the Token White Guy, after the jump as I live blog tonight’s show. And don’t forget to join other American Idol watchers over in our Shoutbox to dish about the show as it airs.

DJSlim will be posting some notes and videos of tonight’s American Idol auditions over on IdolBlogLive.com, so hop on over there from time to time to see what he has posted. In addition, make sure to check out The Idol Den, an all-new radio station that plays music from past American Idol artists 24/7. The station will also air the studio versions of this season’s crop of contestants as they are released.

And don’t forget to join Sir Darryl and me for the Idol Radio Show tonight at 11 PM ET / 10 PM CT as we talk about this week’s American Idol Auditions along with any other America’s Got Talent, So You Think You Can Dance, The Voice, The X Factor, and entertainment news that needs to be discussed. Just click the Listen Live banner in the right column at the appropriate time.

It’s the first trip to the Sooner State for American Idol. Will the Okies embarrass the show? As a die-hard Texan, bred, born, and raised in this great state, I already know the answer. But I will keep it to myself. If only because I don’t want to start an cross-state incident.

Karl Skinner

First up tonight is Karl Skinner, 26, from Joplin, MO. Karl auditioned because the American Idol bus came within a few blocks of his house. He married his wife in March and says she makes his life worth it. The first question Karl asks the judges is if he’s allowed to move around, cause he’ll go stale otherwise. He then says he’s going to prove that gingers have soul. He’s singing James Brown’s “I Feel Good.” And I now feel bad. Really, really bad. The singing was bad enough, but I then happened to look up from what I was typing and saw him trying to dance like James as well. For reasons that we may never understand, the judges allow Karl to pick up his guitar and sing again. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Unfortunately, the judges all say yes.

That’s it. I quit this show.

First non-named contestant who sings when we come back from the commercial says, “No no no no no no no no no.” I couldn’t have said it better myself. I simply said it first.

Nate Tao

Nate Tao, 24, from Reston, VA, is next. Nate can talk, but his parents can’t. When he first started singing, his parents were not that receptive because they couldn’t hear him. He says that if he makes it to Hollywood, then his parents will start thinking, “maybe he has some talent” and will start believing it. Nate is singing a Stevie Wonder song. He has a decent voice, but it’s a bad song choice. Doesn’t fit him all that well. A little rough at the beginning and a little high at points. Again, he has a decent voice. And he has a lot of charisma. I’ll have no problem when the judges send him to Hollywood, as he might surprise us all once he gets there. Four yeses later, and it is, indeed, off to Hollywood for Nate.

Halie Hilburn

Now it’s time for Halie Hilburn, 27, Vernon, TX, to audition. Halie brought Oscar with her. Oscar is a hand puppet. No, seriously. A hand puppet. This wouldn’t be a shock if we were watching America’s Got Talent, but this is American Idol. On the bright side, Halie is a decent ventriloquist. Fairly funny as well. So she could go to America’s Got talent when this falls apart. Both Halie and Oscar will be auditioning today. Haley actually has a good, country voice, and does a good job singing while in her ventriloquist act. Still, the audition confuses the judges. So Halie puts him down and sings 15 seconds on her own. And wow, what a difference. The country sound is gone, and she has an AMAZING voice. Four nos…….. for Oscar, but three yeses for Halie (Randy was the naysayer). Leave Oscar at home, Halie.

Zoanette Johnson

Zoanette Johnson, 19, from Tulsa, Oklahoma, starts off the second-half of tonight’s show. Zoanette wore her gold shirt tonight in order to match the Golden Ticket she is convinced she is going to get. She tells Ryan that she bet with her family that if she made it this far, she would sing the National Anthem. Which she does. And America promptly surrenders. This country survived the British Army, a disastrous first constitution, an attack by Mexico, two World Wars, and attempts by many others to bring us down. But we simply couldn’t survive Zoanette singing our National Anthem. All hail Canada, our new leaders.

Wait. WHAT? The judges all voted yes??????????? That’s it. I’m done. I quit.

Anastacia Freeman

Anastacia Freeman, 25, from Ardmore, OK, is next. Anastacia breaks down in tears simply saying, “It’s an honor to be here.” Oh boy. One deep breath, a tissue, and a major fall later thanks to her 5 inch heels, and she enters the Judges’ Room. Anastacia manages to dry her tears before singing, at which point the audience breaks out in tears because of how bad her singing is. The judges are laughing so hard, Anastacia stops singing to ask if they are laughing at her. They say no, so she starts singing again and the judges start laughing again. Once the horror is over, Anastacia tells the judges that she thinks God told her to audition for American Idol. Which prompts the show to make more fun of Anastacia by doing a cheap dramatization (their own words) of her conversation with God. After four nos, Anastacia says she will never listen to Mariah Carey again. Then she promises that if the judges are here next year, she won’t be back.

Kayden Stephenson

The final auditioner tonight is Kayden Stephenson, 16, Tulsa, OK, started singing when he was four years old. He doesn’t look 16, he looks more like 12. This is because he has Cystic Firbrosis and is only expected to live until he’s 35. Kayden says that knowing his illness is terminal is scary, but it makes him want to live his life to the fullest. It’s clear the moment Kayden starts singing that the show put him through simply to help fulfill a dream. He’s not terrible, mind you. But he’s also far from truly having any chance. It doesn’t stop the judges from voting yes, however, so Kayden will be going to Hollywood. I’m fine with that. Let him have an incredible experience.

Mariah Carey

Wait, sorry. We have one more auditioner. It’s Mariah Carey. But, Mariah is sitting at the judges’ table. What’s going on? Turns out it’s Steven Tyler in drag. Steven grabs his now large breasts and we hear a honking sound. The song “Dude Looks Like a Lady” plays in the background as Steven gets rejected by the judges.

So what did you think of tonight’s Oklahoma City auditions? Are you ready for the American Idol Hollywood Week to start? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

And don’t forget to join Sir Darryl and me for the Idol Radio Show tonight at 11 PM ET / 10 PM CT as we talk about this week’s American Idol Auditions along with any other America’s Got Talent, So You Think You Can Dance, The Voice, The X Factor, and entertainment news that needs to be discussed. Just click the Listen Live banner in the right column at the appropriate time.

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  • http://idolradioshow.com/ Token White Guy

    This has got to be the weirdest “American Idol” audition show we’ve ever seen.