Abbott and Costello – A 21st Century retelling of ‘Who’s On First?’

November 10, 2011 at 6:00 AM

Abbott and Costello

One of the all-time best classic comedy routines in history was “Who’s On First,” a play on words routine which always saw poor Costello befuddled by the names of the players on Abbott’s baseball team. No matter how hard Costello tried, he would eventually give up at the end, only to discover he had just given the name of the shortstop. Audiences, naturally, were left in hysterics.

The routine was almost never performed the same way twice. Below is a video of Abbott and Costello performing “Who’s On First” in their 1945 movie, The Naughty Nineties. It is considered one of the finest renditions of the routine ever, and I would agree.

Over the weekend, my mom handed me clipping from the Senior News, a publication put out by CVS Pharmacy each month. In the October 2011 issue, a reader submitted a version of the “Who’s On First” routine for the 21st Century. This time, Abbott is trying to help Costello with a computer purchase.

Read the update version of this classic routine after the jump.

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses, and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Year, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: Ok, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.
COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue ‘w’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What bout financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!